Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
