My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
