Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
