Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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