win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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