Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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