Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
