best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
