I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
