There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
