i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
