Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
