I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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