So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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