Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
