i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
