She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My penis needs a shock collar
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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