At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I could fuck to npr.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
