i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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