im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
