i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
