Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
