He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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