Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
