He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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