I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
