The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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