Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You left your phone here
Wait...
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