watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
