And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
