its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
