I'm lost and stupid without you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
