I need to stop coming to work sober
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
