I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
