i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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