He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
