I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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