Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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