is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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