How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
