I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
