now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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