You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
