Did I show you my penis last night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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