you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
