New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
