Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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