Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
