You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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