You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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